


remember you'll be ok

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Depressed Yamaguchi Tadashi, Don't Examine This Too Closely, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, How Do I Tag, I Made Myself Cry, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, My First Fanfic, Panic Attacks, Sad, Tears, Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi Friendship, Very Secret Diary, Yamaguchi Tadashi's Freckles, i hope you cry reading later chapters, random start, this literally starts in the middle of a story sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:54:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26441533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "you see, yamaguchi was panicking. it wasn't the normal kind of "oh shit, i have a test!" kind of panic though. it was all consuming, eating him from the inside out, his heart thumping in his chest, threatening to punch a hole through his white cotton shirt. the worst part was he didn't know why, he didn't know why, and he couldn't let tsukkishima know."yamaguchi has lived his whole life on edge. he's always been scared of himself and the things he does. from the music he likes, to the way he texts, or even the way he longingly looks at his friends. he hated it. hated the feeling of being on edge over every little thing, and when he gets fed up with texting his friends his anxiety boils over in a rather worrying way.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Kudos: 45





	1. panicking

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this a while ago and will add the next chapters if asked ??? this is just a really random start point sorry. yamaguchi does cry. that's all ???

tsukkishima looked over at yamaguchi, who had been fervently typing on his phone. he'd been texting with the team, as usual. except this time something seemed off, instead of his normal content grin, yamaguchi was staring off into space, his eyes held no sign of emotion as he stared at a particularly blank piece of wall, his face was slack and un-telling, his lips fell open, half parted, allowing ragged shallow breaths of air to enter his throat.

kei glanced his eyes down to tadashis hands, which were holding his phone tightly, the star faced boys smooth hands were wringing against the phone, unconsciously pushing and pulling skin like he had an unscratchable itch, he rubbed his palm against the rounded corner of the hard phone.

if he had've looked closer at the little screen he would've seen the texts from the team, he didn't know why but the little black lines on the screen seemed to have some unforeseen effect on yamaguchi. he didn't know why noyas simple remarks about the first years had such an effect on him.

_ nishinoya: what do the first years even do when they're off?? like i bet hinata and kageyama just practice,, but i feel like tsukishima just goes and stares at walls lmao _

was it perhaps because of the simple fact that the exuberant libero forgot about him? not likely, the type of things he said about the other first years wasn't something he wanted to be apart of, who wants to be gossiped about? that's the issue, tadashi had no idea why the simple topic of off time set him off so much, especially since he wasn't apart of the conversation and had no intention of joining it.

yamaguchi glanced at the messages and pictures being sent in the group chat, his avatar sitting static in the corner of the screen, unmoving and unbothered by the other bitmojis, which were popping up and down with grins and speach bubbles, well excluding tsukkishimas of course.

"you ok yamaguchi?" he asked. "you seem sorta distant or something, like your off in your own little world full of sugar plums and fairies." yamaguchi slightly raised his shoulders, looking anywhere but tsukkishimas concerned gaze. if he had taken a look at his fair-haired friend he would've seen worried wrinkles form around his carmel toned eyes. the younger boy avoided the elders gaze for fear that he'd see his broken, scared, and empty gaze and start to ask questions. or that he'd notice that his normally kind gaze, which off-set his perpetual look of mild concern, was clouded with worry and self- loathing.

you see, yamaguchi was panicking. it wasn't the normal kind of "oh shit, i have a test!" kind of panic though. it was all consuming, eating him from the inside out, his heart thumping in his chest, threatening to punch a hole through his white cotton shirt. the worst part was he didn't know why, he didn't know why a simple text out of the other tens flooding in from the chat had set him off. and he couldn't let tsukkishima know.

yamaguchi has always been the nervous type, and tsukkishima knew this, however despite their years of friendship the blonde didn't know the extent of this worry. he didn't know the perpetual self doubt that swarmed through tadashis skull, threatening to swallow him whole from the inside, daring to spew out of his mouth and dribble onto his chin potentially driving a difficult wedge into the ever changing friendship. he knew that if he told tsukkishima that he was worried or upset the blonde would try to understand and help, but this wasn't like elementary where he had enemies to belittle and prevent from harming his precious yamaguchi. how would he react when there was no enemy? if the enemy was his own faulty wiring?

"i'm fine, you shouldn't be worrying tsukki,"the brunette dug his teeth into his bottom lip in an attempt to calm himself,"please-" his already breathy voice had slowed and lowered into a ragged choke-"don't worry about me so much."

"yamaguchi i have a right to worry about you sometimes, you're the only one i have time to worry about, it takes so much energy to come up with those remarks you know," the blond let out an airy sigh, "now what's wrong? you look like you've seen a ghost or something."

yamaguchi opened his mouth to speak, except no words came out. instead of being useful like it should be when speaking, his throat began to tighten. the tears that he had been holding back started to flow down his freckled cheeks, drawing smooth paths and patterns in between and on the brown spots.

he had finally broken, for no particular reason he had broken. and right in front of his friend too.

as the taller boy looked down at his struggling friend he had only one thought: 'what the fuck is happening and how can i help yamaguchi?'

___


	2. realease

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi insecurities clung to him like tree sap. they dripped through his veins like venom and clouded his judgment. maybe tsukkishima can clarify.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW // internalized homophobia

worry clouded tsukishimas judgment. he had no idea about the thoughts running through yamaguchis mind, he didn't know about all the self doubt, all the panic. he didn't know about all the sleepless nights, how he'd cry so much he'd end up throwing up. he didn't know that yamaguchi didn't trust himself with a pencil anymore. he didn't know anything about the struggles yamaguchi faced because yamaguchi refused to let him, or anyone else know.

but god, that was about to change.

yamaguchi's breathing grew louder. all he could hear was his lungs, erratically filling and emptying with air. the room filled with a heavy silence, any words yamaguchi wanted to say were glued in his throat with no chance of escaping his parted lips. all his thoughts whirled through his skull, with no way to escape.

"yams what's going on?" tsukkishima stared at his friend, not daring to inch any closer for fear of causing more problems. he didn't know whether he should be consoling his freckle faced friend or if he should leave the room to let the problem, whatever it may be, to resolve itself.

yamaguchi's heart sank because in all honesty, he had no idea, he had no idea why his anxiety had decided to ruin his perfectly normal day, like a child without supervision, wandering through his brain and getting into shit it shouldn't be touching. it's grubby little-kid fingers pushing all the buttons in his brain, getting some stuck and breaking others. he didn't know why some dumb text about taylor swift caused him to hyperventilate. but it did and neither him nor tsukkishima know what to do about it.

he opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. so tsukkishima asked again, "tadashi, what's wrong?"

yamaguchi finally looked up at tsukkishima, tears dripping from his eyes. a look of compassion washed over the blonde, he didn't know what or why this was happening but he knew he needed to help and comfort yamaguchi, although he didn't know how.

tsukkishima walked over to the bed yamaguchi was sitting on and silently sat beside him, "i don't know why you're crying, but i'm right beside you. ok?" yamaguchi silently leaned closer into the blondes scarce touch. salty tears dripped onto the blondes shirt, wetting the shoulder, but tsukkishima didn't care. all he cared about at that moment was yamaguchi.

if he hadn't of been gasping for air yamaguchi might've questioned tsukkishimas sudden caring nature. however he was far too pre-occupied with regulating his breathing to question his cold friends unusual actions. compassion was a new colour on tsukkishima and the shade was definitely complimenting him well.

tsukkishima took yamaguchis hand in his. he didn't know what he was doing till he had done it, long winding fingers interlocked with the star-faced boys slightly shorter ones. he stared at their hands for a moment, not knowing if he should move his hand away or not.

yamaguchi tried to remember what his therapist had told him about regulating breathing but his brain couldn't load the file. he was desperate for a proper breath at this point. he didn't know if it was 7 in or 4 and he didn't even care anymore. he glanced at the hand that was interwoven with tsukkishimas, slightly uncurling four of his fingers, breathing in for the four long seconds it took. he looked at his finger tips for the moment he held it, examining the pattern his finger print created before it disappeared behind the blondes slightly paler skin. he finally exhaled, counting seven seconds in his head. he didn't take another breath right away though, instead he held his empty lungs for a while, counting eight seconds on the same hand.

he continued doing this for a while, not knowing if it was the breathing or the simple activity of counting fingers that calmed him down enough to speak. "thank you."

yamaguchi realized the implications of what he was doing, sitting on a bed, holding hands with another man. he knew to most it would just look like one person comforting another, regardless of if they were two boys or not, but for some reason it felt shameful. he jerked his hand away as if it had been resting over a hot open flame. the action caused tsukkishima to jump back in surprise, "yams are you ok? can you tell me what's wrong?"

yamaguchis hand felt hot in the open air, he longed to hold tsukkishimas hand in his own again but he felt like it was wrong. "nothing. it's nothing. just some dumb text."

that was a lie, an obvious one at that, it wasn't just a text and he realized that now. it was more than just a dumb text. it was what the text implied, what all the dumb textes in that chat imply. the chats implied that he was gay, in some form or another. and even though he knew the team was comfortable, if not overly, with homosexuality, he didn't know if he was. kids, the same kids who'd make fun of him for his face, talk. and when they talk they aren't very kind about that type of thing. and over the years of hearing his parents and other kids talk he began to question himself.

but so what if he listened to "girly music", that didn't make him gay.

so what if he didn't like the same pretty girls as everyone else. that couldn't make him gay.

so what if he wanted to hold tsukkishimas hand. they're just friends, that doesn't mean he's gay.

so what if when they're changing his eyes linger on the defined contour of his best friends torso. that couldn't possibly mean he's gay.

... well maybe it does.

but yamaguchi wasn't ok with that. and he didn't know if tsukkishima would be ok with it either. 

he felt wrong. he didn't know why he felt so wrong, he knew a few of his teammates were definitely gay or at the least exploring the idea of it. but even so, he was worried, because he also knew about the statistics. he knew that he could be killed, simply for loving another boy, he knew he could be disowned, he knew that people might look at him on the streets and wish for a god to strike him dead.

tsukkishima clicked his tongue, "it's obviously not just some dumb text, so what is it? you can literally tell me anything, this is a one time offer, i'll listen and won't be mean, i swear on my life," he wouldn't of been mean regardless though, he knew that whatever it was this was obviously a huge problem for yama. so he would listen.

yamaguchi took a breath, not knowing what to do. he knew that he could probably trust tsukki with this, after all he's never questioned the rest of the team, he's never said anything bad about any of that, he's even said that their captain and co-captain are probably a good match. but that doesn't mean he would accept yamaguchi.

yamaguchi thought back to a text tsukki had sent him not that long ago: _"don't worry about what people think of you or if you're annoying them. it's far too time consuming."_ he took a deep breath in. he just needs to not worry, that's completely do-able.

no it's not.

but regardless he's been quite too long, so he finally spoke, "i think i might be gay." 

the words hung in the air like a bad cold.

tsukkishima looked over at yamaguchi. his expression seemed unreadable. yamaguchi tried to move farther away from tsukkishima afraid he'd get the wrong (actually completely accurate and right) idea. 

"ok, that's great, is that what's been bothering you? because you shouldn't be afraid of who you are guchi," tsukkushima looked at the boy in front of him, seeing the look of fear in his eyes melt away made his heart skip a beat. he knew he couldn't force yamaguchi too accept himself, but he could damn well be a supportive and loving friend. and even if he wanted more than to be a friend, he'd wait it out.

yamaguchi would be worth the wait. he could feel it. 


	3. alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alone.
> 
> alone. alone.
> 
> what a peculiar word it is, it can mean so many things to different people, for some simply being in a room with a stranger is enough to not be alone.
> 
> but for others, even when they're in a crowd of 1'000 they still feel alone.
> 
> or on the court with a team of 5 other boys and himself. he still felt alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW // mentions of self-harm, implied suicide

yamaguchis eyes traced over his reflection, though he had grown to almost tolerate his appearance earlier in the year, he hated it now. his normally clean hair had become matted against his unusually oily skin. he hadn't bothered to change out of the his clothes from 4 nights ago yet, though he felt proud of himself for finally getting out of bed.

he couldn't help the fact that he wanted to be alone. his thoughts were running amuck in his skull, he couldn't make sense of anything. he didn't know if he wanted to die or just disappear for a while, and maybe never come back. except he couldn't do that, because that would've meant that he'd given up. yamaguchi has refused to give up. although he couldn't help but think that laying in his bed for days on end, cycling through twitter and youtube, refusing to get up and eat, and just sleeping all day sounded a lot like giving up. but he's promised his family and close friends that he'd continue to fight his intrusive thoughts and dark yearnings. he'd promised kei.

'kei. what is kei thinking right now?' yamaguchi wondered.

he doubted that the blonde would be thinking about him at all, after all the team hadn't said anything too him since the beginning of his un-planned haitus. tadashi couldn't decide what felt worse, having everyone worry about him, or having no one worry at all. but either way he felt alone.

yamaguchi had first realized that perhaps his thoughts we a bit different than those of his teammates when he began listening in on conversations in the dressing room. they all sounded so happy, even tsukki would join in with quips and banter, but yamaguchi tended to stay silent unless talking too or about tsukishima. the freckled boy couldn't believe it when hinata said that he wanted to grow old, it was only a sliver of a conversation concerning the team's futures, hinata had said that he wanted to go pro after honing his skills more (at this suga suggested beach volleyball), the carrot top said that after playing pro for a while he'd want to settle down and grow old, telling all of his children about his fame and fortune. yamaguchi oggled at him in shock, he could barely believe that he had made it to his teenage years! let alone middle age.

he could faintly paint two possible scenes in his head:

the first being a slack noose, blue tinted lips and blue tinged skin. a coffin being lowered into the ground, the words "gone too soon" echoing through damp cold air. perhaps tsukishima would be a pol bearer. he had hoped that no one would leave photos of him on the casket, for he didn't want any skeletons or spirits to float away at the sight of his appearance.

the second scene was somewhat happier, a nice quaint home, white picket fences with seasonal decorations and two happy little roses cheeked children. he imagined dressing up as a holy jolly santa each year and hiding gifts around the tree, convincing his kids to put out cookies though they didn't believe it. warm kisses and hugs goodnight and loud boisterous mornings. he had hoped that his spouse would be something great, like an athlete, to off set his normalness. but when he imagined his spouse all he could think of was a tall shapeless figure, was it blonde hair?? or brown?? and what are those eyes??

he knew that telling the team about his two, very different scenarios wouldn't be a good idea, so he kept quite, adding in a few jabs when tsukishima commented about the others short comings. still, even though he had chosen to distance himself from everyone he felt more helpless and lonely than before. he knew his place on the team wouldn't change, he rarely has a place now after all, he began to think up an excuse, 'saying that i had the stomach flu sounds a lot lamer than saying i had a depressive episode, but it will still get some sympathy,so i'll go with that'.

he knew that just the fact that he needed to think up such an excuse proved he was alone.

alone.

alone. alone.

_ alone.alone.alone.alone. _

what a peculiar word it is, it can mean so many things to different people, for some simply being in a room with a stranger is enough to not be alone. but for others, even when they're in a crowd of 1'000 they still feel alone. or on the court with a team of 5 other boys and himself. he still felt alone.


	4. coming over

yamaguchi hadn't opened his notifications in days. he let the group chat stay unopened, along with the calls and messages from tsukishima. he had only opened the communication apps to tell daichi he wouldn't attend the friday practice.

daichi hadn't even bothered to ask why yamaguchi was missing, yamaguchi knew he shouldn't of taken it to heart, he would've been lying regardless. he can't exactly tell his upper classmen "hey! guess what! i'm having a mental health crisis! sorry!", that would cause too much worry and doubt, he didn't want to go back to play and have his teammates question him more than they already do.

yamaguchi could barely stand up straight without feeling dizzy, his head spun with incomprehensible thoughts. his olive hair had become matted and tangled, he couldn't bring himself to wash it, or even brush out the interweaving strands. his mother has said that he needs to go back to school on monday, he had two days and a half days to get himself looking presentable, and two days to prepare for what he'd say to his teammates.

he had iced out tsukishima, though it had only been a few days the time passed like years. after spending every second by the blondes side for more time than not, he didn't know how to act without him. tsukishima has always protected yamaguchi in a way, he got mad at bullies for him and kept yamaguchi from embarrassment.

tadashi was overwhelmed with the feeling of guilt. he had left tsukishima alone. he had no idea how to start talking to tsukishima again, should he go and visit him? no, that wouldn't work, besides he looks indecent. he felt like he needed to reach out before monday, he had no idea how he'd do it though.

he decided he'd start by reading his messages from tsukishima.

among others, one main message stood out:

tsukki !: _hey yams, just so you know, we all really miss you. if youve read my last few messages you'd know that the freak duo is still just as annoying as ever, i really need you around to keep me sane haha. if you ever need anything lmk ok buddy. i don't know if you can tell or not, but i'm really making an effort to help you._

'he doesn't really miss me, he doesn't mean it'

yamaguchi read through all of the unread messages, all of them having similar sentiments, some talking about the days without him.

apparently tsukishima caught the freak duo kissing in the club room, he didn't seem to be suprised, though. they had been getting bolder lately.

yamaguchi noticed a new bubble pop up next to the phone icon, he had set his phone to do not disturb so the call must have gone through.he clicked on the notification with shaking hands, feeling overwhelmed with everything he had done today.

he pressed his finger tip to the voicemail icon, a monotone voice answered his tap: "welcome to your wireless voice messages. you have 20 unopened voicemails. you have 1 new voice message. press 1 to hear old messages. press 2 to hear new message. press 3 to go back to the main menu. press 4 too..."

beep.

a crackling noise popped from his phone speaker, it sounded as though whoever had called him was outside walking around. he hadn't bothered checking who the voicemail was from. he pondered the possibility of his mother calling about diner, he had hoped for french fries, the floppy kind no doubt.

instead of his mother's usual melodic chime, a males deep voice rang out.

tsukishima?

"hey yamaguchi, just wanted to let you know i'm dropping by to drop off something narita wanted to give back to you. i'm pretty sure it's your scissors..." -the blondes voice seemed to waiver for a moment, he cleared his throat, the light cough playing through yamaguchis speaker. voicemail tsukishima took a breath before speaking once more:-"so yeah. i hope ya know we all miss you. i hope you get over your stomach flu soon, maybe i should stop at the store on the way to get you some miso soup... hmm... well regardless, i'll be over soon. i know your moms working late this week so i hope she's ok with me coming over. oh who am i kidding i come over all the time. well not recently but...i'll be over soon, so see you then."

beep.

beep.

beep.

. 'tsukishima? here? this soon? i havent washed up in days. fuck.' 


	5. the door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's nothing. i, i feel nothing. so nothing is wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW // mentions of self harm

tsukishima gently knocked his knuckles against the wooden door to signal his arrival. he glanced down as he saw the knob shakily turn.

yamaguchi's body was fueled with worry, his shaky hands moved to open his door, knowing tsukishima would be on the other side.

as the door began to slowly creak open, taking what felt like an eternity. tsukishima tried not to show any reaction, his face went slack, he refused to let yamaguchi know how much he has missed him. his hands fell to his side to conceal his fidgety fingers, 'don't show how nervous you are'.

the door fully opened. yamaguchi let out an involuntary gasp as he broke the threshold. he didn't know he'd need tsukishima this much. he stepped into the blondes arms and clung to his tall frame for dear life, he never wanted to let go.

tsukishima stepped back in shock as yamaguchi pressed into his arms. kei wrapped his arms around the brunettes noticeably smaller frame. the slight outline of ribs showed through the side of yamaguchi's clean shirt. the blonde noticed just how matted the olive hair pressed against his neck had become. he could tell that yamaguchi's skin would feel waxy to the touch without making an attempt to test his theory. the brunettes eyes were sunken in, his lips looked chapped and cracked. yet tsukishima didn't say anything, and continued to cling to the boy in front of him.smaller hands clung to the blondes t-shirt, not wanting the blonde to leave his side. he hadn't noticed the tears flowing from his eyes untill he felt the wetness of the cotton against his cheek. he felt drops of salty tears fall on his forehead, it seemed he wasn't the only one being emotional.

after what felt like hours, tsukishima pulled back shifting yamaguchi, who had then moved to the blondes arm, still reluctant to let go. tsukishima stepped into the house, noting that he still  
hadn't spoken a word to the brunette.

"hey", he lowered his gaze to look at the star faced boy, who was still silently clinging to his arm.

silence.

yamaguchi looked up, eyes widening in admiration as he finally met tsukishimas gaze, "hi."

silence.

"so, yamaguchi, how've you been?" the blonde tried to start conversation, though it was pretty evident that tadashi had seen better days.yamaguchi sighed, tears still silently streamed down his cheeks, tracing paths between his freckles. "i've been better."

"i can tell." the blonde replied, running an absent minded hand up the brunettes arm. he squeezed yamaguchi shoulder, trying to signal that he wanted to go somewhere else, rather then just stand in the hallway. yamaguchi finally tsukishimas arm as the two walked into the living room, slouching onto the couch.

"what did narita want to give me?" yamaguchi glanced at tsukishimas bag. he wondered how long it had taken the second year to notice he needed to give something back. he wondered how long it had taken narita, or daichi, or even suga, to notice he was gone.

tsukishima rummaged around his bag untill his finger hit the handle of the scissors. he pulled the shiny steal classroom utility from his bag and moved to hand them to yamaguchi, "just your scissors, he was gonna drop them off himself but i told him i'd do it instead," he took a breath before continuing, "i know it's been less than a week but i really missed you tadashi."

yamaguchi's eyes widened in shock, he knew what would inevitably happed if he took the scissors. he glanced at his wrist. he'd never used actual sharp objects, only things that would heal quickly. he didn't want anyone to see what he'd done. but he knew that if he took the scissors he just might try.

"no, no, no, i don't need those. you can keep them for now." yamaguchi pushed tsukishimas hands away.

"why? i mean i don't need them, should i just give them back to narita for a while?" he moved to put the scissors back in his bag.

"sure, i just, i don't want them right now." he cast another worried glance at his wrist. tsukishima took note of this, understanding the sad truth about why yamaguchi didn't want the scissors.

"tadashi, what's the real reason that you haven't been to school? don't lie to me. if it was the flu you wouldn't have hugged me, you care too much. so what is it?"

"it's nothing."

"don't fucking lie to me tadashi. what is it." the blonde pulled back farther, as if to better examine the brunette.

"no, really it's nothing. i, i feel nothing. so nothing is wrong." a strained tear rolled down yamaguchi's cheek. his eyes were pleading with tsukishima to just drop the issue. he didn't want to talk.

"let me help you."

yamaguchi took a deep breath, "how could you possibly help me? you were fine for the week without me. you don't need me, so i don't need you."

"that's not true." hurt laced tsukishimas words, it really wasn't true at all, he hadn't been fine for that week. he had missed yamaguchi more than he could possibly express.

"yes it is."

tsukishima didn't even know what to say. yamaguchi wouldn't listen, but it was clear he needed help. he looked like a mess, his hair was matted beyond comprehension, that alone needed help to get untangled.

"no it's not, let me help you. if not with your emotions at least let me help with your hair" he reached out a hand to gently brush the hair away from yamaguchi's eyes, "you know, when your hair isn't in the way, your eyes really are quite beautiful."

yamaguchi frowned, "fine, but what do you mean by 'help with my hair' what are you going to do exactly? it's not like i'll let you wash it."

"well... i could help you wash it, and then i could brush it out," the taller boy gave a shrug. he wasn't exactly sure what he meant himself.

"help me wash it! no! i'm not gonna shower with you that's gross!" yamaguchi slapped the blondes hand away from his hair. he really didn't need people thinking that he showers with other boys. not now. he couldn't handle it now, especially considering what had set this whole thing off in the first place.

tsukishima chuckled, "not like that dumbass, i meant in the sink or something, i wasn't asking you to shower with me."

yamaguchi bit his lip, was it really the best idea? his hair is so tangled it would take hours... so hours spent with tsukishima...

alone...

alone with tsukishima...

that sounded ok. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "just don't hurt me, ok?"
> 
> tsukishima clicked his tongue, "tch, i wouldn't dream of it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this while crying. its not the best. mostly fluff ?

"come here, we can use the sink in your bathroom, wait here, i'll go get the chair," tsukishima patted the hard countertop so yamaguchi would hoist himself up while he waited.

he carried the chair into small bathroom and placed it in front of the sink basin. yamaguchi slid off of the counter top, stumbling forward as he did so. "ah," tsukishima stuck his arms out to stop yamaguchi from falling into the door.

yamaguchis head landed on tsukishimas chest, his hands landed on the wall behind both of them. because of his stumble, yamaguchi was effectively pinning tsukishima to the wall.

tsukishima chuckled as he stepped back, "uh, sorry, you should just sit in the chair, lean your head back and relax ok?"

tsukishima mulled over what he had said in his head before speaking.

"not, not like that though," he tried stepping back farther, exept all that was behind him was a wall.

yamaguchi stepped back, "not like what?"

"never mind,"

yamaguchi sat in the chair and leaned his head back into the sink.

"just don't hurt me, ok?"

tsukishima clicked his tongue, "tch, i wouldn't dream of it."

tsukishima leaned over the brunette and twisted the tap, causing water to flow from the tap. "where's your shampoo? and cream rinse?" tsukishima glanced down at the brunette and raised an inquisitive brow.

"on the shower shelf," yamaguchi jutted his chin towards the bottles, "don't get any in my eyes, ok?"

"hey, i'm not gonna hurt you. ever." tsukishima cast a softened gaze on yamaguchi, smiling gently as he ran his long fingers through the freckled boys wet and tangled hair.

yamaguchi instantly relaxed, leaning into kei's touch. for the first time in weeks he felt content, which is unusual for him against his normal melancholy mood. he hummed happily as he felt tsukishima's dexterous fingers brush through his olive hair. he inhailed deeply as the sweet smell of the lightly fruit scented shampoo left the bottle.

"so, tsukishima, what would you dream of?" the brunette exhaled with his words, causing them to sound breathy and light, quite a difference from how he had been speaking earlier. it seems that with tsukishima here he was finally feeling something.

"i don't know yamaguchi, it depends on the night really. usually dinosaurs if i'm being honest..." the blonde was still leaning above the star faced boy, he gently smiled as he scrunched the soap through the brunettes tangled and dirt encrusted hair.

yamaguchi laughed, "that's not what i meant silly, i mean like what are your dreams? you said you wouldn't dream of hurting me, so what would you dream of doing?"

"with you?" the blonde questioned, not quite understanding.

"perhaps... i only want to know your dreams kei. it's as simple as that."

"my dreams? well i just told you! i dream of dinosaurs, stars and moons too sometimes, and crispy french fries." the taller male laughed lightly, remembering the trips the pair would take to fast food restaurants, always sharing the fries between them.

yamaguchi frowned, "you still don't really understand the question do you? i mean your hopes and dreams"

tsukishima paused for a moment, his hands paused their movement across the younger's scalp, what are his dreams?

"well right now my only hope is to help you, so stop frowning. it's my job to frown, not yours." he finally managed to fully run his hands through yamaguchi's hair, smiling broadly he waited for yamaguchi to reply.

"i'll frown if i want to kei, but you always seem to make me smile," the brunette lifted his hand and gently squeezed tsukishimas arm, "thanks for that."

the blonde grinned wide as he gently coated the brown strands of hair in cream rinse, "no problem at all yams, but don't tell anyone i'm doing this. ok?"

yamaguchi deeply inhaled the scent of the product, it smelt of light vanilla. "what? that you're actually nice? then other people would take you away! i wouldnt tell a soul." yamaguchi was joking, he knows that eventually they'll part ways regardless of if people know of tsukishimas kindness. but he didn't care, he wanted to selfishly bask in his friendship with tsukishima.

"i doubt anyone but you would want me." the blonde began rinsing the cream from the brown eyed boys hair, letting the now silky smooth hair run through his fingers.

"well, i do."

the air hung heavy for a moment.

'maybe i shouldn't have said that," the olive haired boy winced at his stupidity.

"i'm done now," the blonde grabbed a towel from the counter and began to loosely tousle the wet hair, "maybe we should braid your hair"

"you're joking right?" yamaguchi sat up absentmindedly, once again face planting into tsukishimas chest.

tsukishima placed his hands on yamaguchi's shoulder, he noted how yamaguchi softened under his touch. "i'm serious! , i think it would look funny, besides you have two days before school anyway, that... is if your coming back."

"of course i'm coming back. i need too, my mother won't let me stay off school any longer. and fine, do whatever you want to my hair." despite his seemingly cold response yamaguchi grinned wide. he leaned into tsukishimas soft touch.

for once everything was reversed, yamaguchi was sarcastically replying to the affection he was receiving from tsukki.

"well that's good. the freak duo is getting annoying as hell." with that tsukishima motioned for yamaguchi to stand, he directed yamaguchi back into the living room. "now sit on the floor so i can sit on the couch and braid."

"you really are pushy you know." yamaguchi playfully poured as he sat on the ground below tsukishima.

kei laughed in response, "that's just part of my alluring charm."

"sure," yamaguchi reached his arm up to bat at tsukishimas chin.

tsukishima began to gently run his hands through the muddy brown hair. at that, yamaguchi completely leaned his head back, resting it on the blondes lap. "you always get so week whenever i play with your hair, i should just tell sejoh about this, you wouldn't stand a chance..." he chuckled as he folded the strands over and over.

"what are they gonna do? send some one over to our side of the court while i serve? that would just leave one more space for my serve to hit." he quietly chuckled at the thought.

"you're so confident when it's just us, why?" tsukishima lightly tapped the tip of the star faced boys nose on the "why".

yamaguchi giggled loudly at the tap. "well because it's just us, and you told me to be, ill almost always do what you say if it's within reason."

"you'll do anything i say? that's a new one..." the blonde laughed at the possibilities.

"hey! not like that you perv!" yamaguchi awkwardly laughed. if he's being honest with himself, he'd follow tsukishima to the ends of the earth if he was given a chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im tired. i might not update for a while so you can yell at me on my twt if you want? 
> 
> @kimpossibleT_T

**Author's Note:**

> soooo,,,, cliffhanger?? but like i said ill post the other finished chapters later


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